i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
