Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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