Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
