my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
