I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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