There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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