you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
