Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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