I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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