so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
