I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
