thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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