If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
