I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
