But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
