i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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