i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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