Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
