I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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