If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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