i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
