My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
