oh god the rape fog is back!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
