I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
