I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
