She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
