eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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