I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I party with great urgency now.
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