The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
