dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
