Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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