TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
