im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
