I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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