Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found your dick twin last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
