I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
