I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
