do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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