Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
