You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
