You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
