once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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