so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
