my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My bed smells like the plague
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
