eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
