all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
