People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
