you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
