Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
