Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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