Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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