everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
