did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
