K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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