I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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